Melancholy, Baby

A friend sent me a link today from the Daily Telegraph, 50 things you don't know about Barak Obama. One of the items was that he has a carving on his desk of a hand holding an egg. It's apparently a Kenyan symbol of the fragility of life.

So, I've decided if I ever do get a tattoo (which, yeah, is not real likely), that may be what I choose.

Not that I'm overly pessimistic, mind you. But life is fragile, and it's worth remembering that. I've had an odd few weeks; not bad, mind you, but it's left me considering such ideas, and in a bit of a melancholy mood.

Now, most people thinking about the fragility of life, would immediately think of death; Lord knows there are enough instances to remind us that life can end abruptly (like the deer that ran in front of my car last night, missing the front by about 5 feet!).

But it's not just life that ends. Relationships change, or end, and that too is part of life's fragility.

Warren Zevon had a song several years (Um, yeah, or decades) ago called Accidentally Like A Martyr; it's really about a love relationship ending, but one line strikes me as being apt for the end of many relationships, romantic or platonic: "Never thought I'd have to pay so dearly for what was already mine, for such a long, long time"

We fall into relationships easily, without necessarily planning or thinking about them. One of my oldest friends I met because she was wound up one night at UNC's Freshman Camp, and tickled me; I screamed, she laughed, and we've been friends ever since. My son became friends with his best friend because they wore the same shirt the fourth day of kindergarten. We become friends with our kids' friend's parents, with the people who live across the street, with our in-laws, with the folks who all go to the coffee shop at the same time we do.

We fall into friendships somewhat randomly. And if we're lucky, they're ours, for such a long, long, time.

Until they change, or end, or both.

Children grow up and go to different schools, and we lose track of the other parents we hung out with.

We graduate from college (or high school), and move in different directions than our friends.

Marriages end, and our in-laws become our ex-laws. Or out-laws, pick your term!

Colleagues change jobs, people move, life comes along and takes us in many and varied directions.

There are a million ways it happens, but in the end, what it boils down to is the moment when "Take care and I'll see you soon" really means "Goodbye"

And, I'm sorry, but that sucks. The world needs more friendships. They need to be easier. They need to be angst free. They need to NOT make other people unhappy, or threatened, or uncomfortable.

But sometimes that's not possible. And we wind up wondering why we're paying so dearly for what we took for granted for so long.

Now, I'm not necessarily advocating we all move towards a touch-feely-hold-hands-and-sing-Kumbaya kinds of life.

But I think we do need to take time sometimes to stop and think about the people in our lives who are important to us, and to realize that, if we're surrounded by a group of friends, we are incredibly lucky, and blessed with a treasure that may literally disappear overnight.

And work very hard not to let that happen.