My dress code: if {tailored} then {good};

I got an email "of a sensative nature" yesterday from an administrator at my kids' high school. It was a forward, with an preface, of an email that the students were sent that day. Apparently, many of the students are violating the school's dress code. Wow, I'm shocked. Surely, this has NEVER happened in the history of US Public Education.

All sarcasm aside, though, this pisses me off royally, for so many reasons, on so many levels.

I'll look at just the email to begin with.

First of all, the tone of the email was incredibly condescending; it reminded me more of the double-speak that Dolores Umbridge would write than anything else. I've written about this before, but I'm trying to teach my teenagers to act like young adults, and it doesn't help when they're treated as if they're children by their school. And, when you treat ME as if I'm a child, you completely lose any chance of getting my buy in.

Secondly, there were grammatical and punctuation errors in it. Again, I am a stickler for this stuff, and they were pretty minor, but damn it, if you're the principal of one of the top 20 high schools in the state, learn to proof-read. Or get someone else to proof-read. And accept the fact that it won't go over well if an email to your parents and students is not as polished as something you submit for publication would be.

Finally, the email included a link to the Dress Code. Which was initially broken (it has since been fixed). Yes, I'm a geek. Yes, I make my living telling computers what to do. I understand that not everyone is this way. But again, if you are sending a communication to your world, and you're including a hyperlink, take two seconds to confirm that it works. In this case, it looks like the link she included was to a section of the document that could be edited, because when I tried to get to it, I was told that my google account didn't have access. But that's still the sort of thing that you check before sending it out.

Luckily, I am smarter than the average bear, so I went to the school's website and looked up the dress code. Here is it (notice how I don't risk a link not working, and give you the entire policy):

Carrboro High School has a standard student dress code. While attending school or participating in any school-sponsored events and activities, student dress and appearance must be appropriate to the activity and must meet basic standards of health, safety, cleanliness, and decency. According to our standards of appropriateness, prohibited dress includes but is not limited to the following:

• clothing worn to reveal underwear, cleavage, or bare skin between the upper chest and mid-thigh;

• bare feet, bedroom slippers;

• strapless tops, halter tops;

• see-through, mesh garments;

• pants worn below waist level;

• excessively baggy or tight clothing;

• excessively short skirts and shorts (i.e., usually those shorter than mid-thigh)

• sunglasses inside classrooms;

• any clothing or accessories displaying profanity, promoting drugs, alcohol, violence or firearms, or demeaning specific persons or groups;

• and any other article of appearance that is physically revealing or provocative.

In keeping with CHCCS School Board Policy 4315, students are not permitted to wear or display items that represent or display weapons, drugs, alcohol or tobacco products, or gang membership, or that promote violence or that are sexually explicit.
The principal may require a student to change his/her dress or appearance for failure to comply with the dress code. Repeated violations will result in disciplinary action.

There is so much about this policy that makes me angry. But before I start my rant, please pay attention to the following quote: "While attending school or participating in any school-sponsored events and activities..." It's important.

On the snarky, smart-ass side, there's so much language in it that's just stupid and should have been re-written. No pants below waist level? Um, so, we're supposed to wear our pants on our heads? I pretty much ALWAYS wear my pants below my waist! Yes, I know that what they mean is don't have your pants half-way down your derriere. But you know what? You can say that by saying, "The waistband of pants, shorts, and skirts will fall within two inches of the student's natural waist", or whatever distance the administration feels is appropriate. Oh, and what exactly is an article of appearance? Article of clothing I understand, but what the hell is an article of appearance? And if you can't demean specific persons or groups, does that mean if you're a UNC fan, you can't wear a shirt that makes fun of Duke or State? Or vice-versa?

But on a less snarky take, this policy is so subjective as to be, in my opinion, completely meaningless. What, exactly, is excessively baggy, tight, or short? Who decides? Oh, excessively short is "usually mid-thigh" or higher. OK, so when is it NOT mid-thigh? Again, who decides? The parents? The kids? The administration? Where is the upper chest? If my son wears a collared shirt, does he need to button all the buttons? If not, you'll see his chest below the collarbone, is that not the upper chest? Or do we only mean women's upper chests? My son's boxer waistbands are pretty much always visible above his shorts and pants, and if he stretches, jumps, or raises his arms in a certain way, that is noticeable. Is he in violation?

And here's the kicker. Remember that bit about "any school-sponsored events and activities"? So, are football pants too tight? Or the volleyball team's spandex shorts? If shorts that fall above mid-thigh are too short, why aren't the running shorts that the track and cross country team wear too short? Or, for that matter, the cheerleader's skirts? Are there no strapless dresses at prom? No haltered? What about the color guard in the marching band? Oh, wait, never mind, you KILLED the marching band program (different rant).

Yeah, it's stupid. When you break it down, what it boils down to is, if someone bitches and the administration feels like it, they'll bust the kids. If no one bitches, or they don't feel like it, they won't. I'm sorry, I have a real problem with that.

But I have a larger problem, too.

Humans are sexual creatures. Shocking, I know. I, personally, am a middle-aged, heterosexual, female. You know what I think is attractive and provocative? A guy in a well-tailored suit, with a shirt and tie that complement each other and the suit (which, for me means anything but a white shirt with a regimental striped tie). Oh, and well-coiffed. And cool shoes. And you know what? I periodically encounter males in well-tailored suits and fashionable shirts and ties and cool shoes during the course of my workday; in meetings, in the hallways, in the breakroom. Do I look occasionally? Yes. Does it keep me from doing my job? No.

Get.

Over.

Yourselves.

This is what I want my children taught: You will encounter HUNDREDS of people you find attractive during the course of your life. Some of them you will date, and you'll have a level of physical closeness and intimacy with them that you don't with the others. But even when you are in a monogamous relationship, there will still be people out there other than your partner, who you find attractive. If you can't go through a normal day because of this, you need help. I don't care if you're male, female, young, old, gay, straight, bi, pan, or anything else that I've forgotten.

You know what else I want my children taught? There are standards. If you wear gym clothes in the office, you better be heading to the workout room. If you have a presentation and you come in in shorts, Chacos, and a t-shirt, you'll get dinged on your grade or annual review. That there's a difference between weekend wear, business casual, professional, and formal when applied to clothing. But I want them taught that these standards exist as a way for them to project an image of themselves, or to follow a tradition, NOT because someone else is uncomfortable with, distracted by the sight of their body.

So, would I have a problem with a teacher telling my daughter, on the day of a presentation, "Grace, typically when presenting to a group, spaghetti straps are considered too casual. You should've worn a jacket or cardigan over your tank."? Nope, not at all. Nor one dinging my son for his Chacos. Nor an invitation to a wedding specifying a dress level, nor a bar or bat mitzvah requiring a yarmulke, nor a cathedral or synagogue requesting that heads or shoulders be covered.

But do I have a problem with anyone, male or female, student or teacher or administrator, telling any of my children that the sight of their legs, or shoulders, or boxer waistband, or bra strap, is distracting? Yes. I've been in this high school, and I've got to say, unless I'm just missing the days where there's nudity and debauchery in the hallways, I've seen nothing there that I can't see at the mall. And quite frankly, less there than you can see in any Calvin Klein underwear ad.

So, here's the deal. If you want a dress code, and you want my support, you'd damn well make the thing completely objective, AND enforceable, AND make it about self-image, not someone else's "distraction".

And for God's sake, proofread your emails and check your links!