A friend posted this article today on Facebook. As a result, I wrote the following email to Rep. Speciale:
Representative Speciale, good afternoon.
I read an article in the Raleigh News and Observer today ( http://www.newsobserver.com/news/politics-government/politics-columns-blogs/under-the-dome/article129591629.html) that you felt that the various Women's Marches last weekend were jokes, and that the marches did not represent any women you know.
That may very well be, but let me introduce myself to you.
I'm 49 years old; I'll be turning 50 in April, and am having a little bit of trouble accepting that I'm that old! I have lived in North Carolina virtually all of my life; I was born in Durham, but my family moved to Delaware soon after I was born. We moved back to North Carolina when I was four, and except for 6 months in Orlando from 1989-90 and 18 months in New York from 1990-1991, I've lived here every since. While my time in other states was small, it has made me more aware of what a privilege it is to live in this state, where we have long had a strong economy, first class University system, and a breath-taking landscape.
I was raised, predominately, by a single parent; in my case, though, it was my father who raised me. He taught me to value education, to be honest (oh, boy, do I regret the few times I lied to him!), and to do my best. He also taught me, through his example, that when there's a job to do, someone has to do it. Growing up, it didn't matter our gender; we were expected to chip in and help. We all washed clothes and cleaned bathrooms and cut grass and raked leaves and cooked and washed dishes. I will admit that I was usually the one who cleaned the gutters, but that's because I was the only one in the family who wasn't afraid of heights.
I am a graduate of UNC-Chapel Hill, but did not take a direct route through college; after a few years, I was not taking it seriously, and dropped out. I returned in 1993 and finished my degree in History. At the time I finished my degree I was working as a database administrator at a company in Research Triangle Park. I understand how difficult it is to balance work and college, and how lucky I am to have had an employer who worked with me so I could finish my degree.
I am currently married, but also separated and divorced from my first husband. We have an amicable relationship, and have co-parented our children well, in my opinion. I have two children from my first marriage, and also have three step-children. All five kids, when they were still living at home, lived primarily with my current husband and me. They all went through either the Wake County or Chapel Hill-Carrboro school systems. The four oldest ones also either went to or are currently enrolled in UNC System colleges: one each at Western Carolina University, UNC-Asheville, NCSU, and UNC-Chapel Hill. The youngest is looking at UNC-A, App State, UNC-Greensboro, and the School of the Arts, so it's likely that by the time all is said and done, I will have had 5 children attend 5 different UNC System schools. I love this.
I hope at this point that you feel you know me a little. I suppose I could add a few more details: I bleed Carolina Blue, though I'll cheer for NCSU as well. I believe that Eastern North Carolina barbecue is the best barbecue, though I love to try other region's specialties. I, of course, have favorite barbecue restaurants - growing up it was Cooper's in Raleigh; later Bullocks or Backyard Barbecue in Durham. When I travel, I love King's in Kinston; Doug Saul's in Rocky Mount, and Bill's Barbecue in Wilson (I actually found a NC Barbecue restaurant in Orlando when I lived there; the owner had trained under Bill!). I have two cats and two dogs, think that tea is, by default, sweetened and iced, and I make collards, black eyed peas, and ham every New Years Day. I was taught to stand, cover my heart, and sing when our National Anthem is played, and to stand respectfully when another country's is. I'm Methodist, I sing alto, I love to ring handbells, I've just taught myself to knit, and have rediscovered a talent for sewing baby clothes. I used to run, and finished a 10 mile race last April, but have arthritis in my knees, so now I bike and swim.
I also marched in Raleigh last Saturday.
I marched because my son has a chronic illness that could cost more than $150,000 per year if he were denied insurance, or if he had a waiting period because of a pre-existing condition. Without the Affordable Care Act, he will be faced with having to cover that money immediately after college, in his first job. My first job (receptionist at the headquarters of a small regional coffee shop chain) certainly didn't allow me $150,000 in disposable income; for that matter my current job doesn't allow me that, and I don't expect his will be any different. President Trump has vowed to repeal the Affordable Care Act, and while he promises there will be coverage; he's talked more about repeal than he has about his plan. Without details, I'm scared for my son.
I marched because I have a daughter who is bisexual. The protections that went into effect under President Obama would protect her from being fired, would allow her to be at the side of a spouse, regardless of gender, should they be hospitalized, would allow her to, essentially, live her life without fear. President Trump ran on a campaign of hatred that included the LGBTQ community. I'm scared for my daughter.
I marched because I have had men grope me. Not often, and I have never been raped, but from the time I was 10 years old I have had men or boys think that they could touch my breasts on the playground, pinch my rear at a concert, or rub up against me in the subway. President Trump has joked about sexual assault, and used it as a talking point to brag about how manly he is. I'm scared for all women.
I marched because I hope to have grandchildren someday, and I hope to be able to take them to national parks, or to the beach, or to hike in the mountains. Climate change is real, and threatens our coast. Drilling for oil and logging threaten our national parks. President Trump makes fun of the experts, the scientists, who know this. He thinks that the direction our planet is going is funny, and that terrifies me. I'm scared for our planet and all who live on it.
Representative Speciale, I suspect that there are more like me in your life than you realize. I know that there are Oriental residents who would be devastated by rising ocean levels. I suspect that there are residents of your district who have been sexually assaulted, and I feel certain that somewhere in your district there are people who identify as LGBTQ. Maybe they're scared to speak out, or maybe the conversation has just never happened. But I am certain that there are people who are similar to me in your district.
I hope that your Facebook posts and the comments you gave to the News and Observer are an anomaly, or were made without thinking the matter through. God knows, I've made stupid comments before that I regret. However, I would also like to recommend a book to you: Becoming Nicole, by Amy Ellis Nutt. It's the story of a family's life as their transgendered daughter comes out and transitions. I'd love for you to read it before you make disparaging comments again about "trannies". The transgendered are human, and they are people's sons and daughters. I know that it's an issue that is not always talked about, and in fact is difficult for many to talk about, but poking fun at other humans, whether it's a transgendered person or someone who disagrees with you, is not particularly nice.
But most of all, I hope that you now cannot say, in good conscience, that none of the women you know were represented by the Women's Marches. I hope that, in some small way, you do feel that you know me, and understand both why I marched, and why I am frightened right now.
Respectfully,Wonder what sort of response I'll get? I'll post and let you know!
Meg Cohen
Chapel Hill, NC
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