Resolved; or, perhaps, not.

I know people who love New Year's Day. The whole notion of a fresh, shiny, New Year stretching out ahead of them, with all the opportunities that that implies.

Me, not so much. It's not that I don't like it, it's more that it's kinda just another day. Yeah, I get that the calendar changes and all that, and I like watching the ball (or acorn, or pickle, or possum) drop, but I don't know that January 1st is any better or worse than any other first of the month for beginning new projects.

To make it worse, there's the whole notion of resolutions, and what they imply. Are we resolved for ourselves, or for others? There's an interesting article in this week's New York Times that talks about the implications of knee-jerk resolutions for women, primarily, though I believe that all of us suffer from this.

We should be fitter. We should do more. We should be better. Kinder. More balanced in our work-life balance. Feed our children better snacks, limit their screen time more, have more substantive talks with our spouses. Read the right books (has ANYONE ever finished an Umberto Eco book other than Name of the Rose?).

I fall victim to this as much as the next person, and the older I get, the harder it gets. 2017 is a milestone year for me: I just hit a 20th work anniversary, and I will turn 50 in April. On the one hand, this is somewhat liberating. If I really wanted to, I could take an early retirement (fun fact: I don't want to, and even if I did, with 3 kids under 20, it would not be realistic).

But on the other hand, this is a little scary. I have a limited number of years left to do something with my life. I have limited years to take up photography, learn to play the piano, buy a loom, or any of the myriad things I've thought "oooh, that'd be fun" about over the years. I'm at a point in my life that, realistically, some of these won't ever happen. And, probably more importantly, many of them I will decide I simply don't care about any more. I've been assigned Moby Dick twice in my academic career, and have tried to read it at least three other times. I've never, ever finished it. At this point, I'm OK with that. However, I'm a little regretful that I've not read as much Wolfe as I would've liked. Hopefully, it all balances out.

I am, however, going to make some resolutions for this year. I think they're all attainable; more to the point, they are ones that are meaningful to me, regardless of what "society" thinks I should be resolving as I finish my first half century.

To keep myself honest, here they are, in no particular order:

• Swim more. 2016 was both a high and a low in my running career: I finished a 10 mile road race in April, the furthest I've ever run, but then pretty immediately began having issues with my knees. Turns out I have arthritis in both kneecaps. I'm not sure at this point if I will run again; but there are these cool open water swims. I plan on doing at least one this summer.
• Write more. There was a fantastic comic in the 1980/90s called For Better or For Worse. At one point one of the kids in the series was writing in his journal; his sister asked him if that helped him figure out the answers. He replied, "No, but it helps me understand the questions." 2017 is going to be a tough year, my friends, and I'm afraid that 2018, '19, and '20 will be as well, with questions that many of us never thought we'd need to understand. I don't pretend to be a world renowned pundit, but writing does help me find balance. So, expect more of these musings as the year progresses. My goal is to miss no more than one day in a row.
• Spend better. I'm not necessarily talking boycotts, though I'm not opposed to that. But, money talks. I am in the enviable position of being able to, within reason, spend money on what I wish to. Which means, donations to causes that will, hopefully, protect our nation and our planet. Or my children. 
• Do what I like. Yeah, I've never gotten through Focault's Pendulum. Yeah, when I'm stressed, I re-read Harry Potter, or Dorothy Sayers, or LOTR. Sue me. It makes me happy. 
• Not be quiet. This is, without a doubt, the hardest for me. I do not have the gift of an icy temper - when I get upset, you know it. Speaking up is scary, and I frequently do it badly. But it's important.

And, yes, I will probably try to exercise more, weigh less, etc. Can't help it, I'm human. But hopefully, by this time next year I will feel less regret at the ice cream I've eaten (or the martinis I've drunk), and rather be proud of the things I have done throughout the year.

Happy New Year, my friends.